Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Tuesday Hangover: You've got one last chance

Presidential elections and Thanksgiving should never fall in the same month. But they always do. And this conflagration of parties, relatives, deadlines and picking up campaign fliers off my door can really take my eye off the ball. And now that it's over and I'm able to settle into checking my lineup and seeing how many guys have big red crosses by their names I realize that going 4-0 last week was probably not enough to get me into two of my 4 playoffs. While I'm not technically out of the running, it'll take a biblical scale miracle for me to move these two teams past the first week in December.

And while I will manage to get two teams into playoffs, it's always sad to say goodbye to the guys I drafted not so long ago, and to look at those rosters and know that as much as I failed as a GM, they failed me even more by not living up to my expectations and in some cases (I'm talking to you, Anquan Boldin) shaming me so thoroughly that they'll probably never get on my roster again.

On my 6-6 team, Dr. Noisewater, I would like to thank A.J. Green for a tremendous season. If I'd had as much faith in Andy Dalton as I did in Philip Rivers this year we might be going to the playoffs. Though I don't know how. DeMarco Murray and DeSean Jackson were straight busts. Sure, there were some injuries but they were busts before the injuries. At least Fred Jackson contributed before he got injured. Malcolm Floyd? I misjudged how effective your team would be. I thought the Chargers would score points. I was wrong. Brandon Lloyd? Why did I think Belichick would go vertical? Why? Why? Why? I hate that dude so much.

Things are even worse for the 5-7 team James Westfall. Tony Romo is pretty far along the road to being dead to me. Chris Johnson was the biggest auction bust I've ever had. He owes me a gold tooth. Darren Sproles could never really get it going, even before the injury. Can you believe I have Boldin in this league too? You can? Of course you can. I probably wasted Stevan Ridley by playing him in the games were he sucked (which was half of them) and sitting him on the bench every time he went off. But mad love for my receivers Brandon Marshall, Victor Cruz and T.Y. Hilton. Just goes to show you how one Chris Johnson can completely ruin your whole fantasy season.

I'd discuss my winners but if I did there's no way it wouldn't just jinx the crap out of them. I've made that mistake before. But we can look at who have been the biggest fantasy surprises of the year and speculate on what their value will be going into 2013.

1) Peyton Manning: This is an easy call. I was not alone in thinking that his neckostomy was going to turn him into a crusty old thing who would ruin the Broncos. Instead he looks like he's got another good 2-3 years in him. Even Coach Fox couldn't hold him down.

2) Matt Stafford: Considering how much that team struggles Matthew has been outstanding. No one can turn 3 quarters of worthlessness into a 40-point fantasy day in 15 minutes. It's magical. Lotta good years left in that guy.

3) AndrewLuck/RGIII: Do I really need to talk about them? I think we've heard enough.

4) Two of the top three running backs in my CBS league are Doug Martin and AP. The computers that NASA uses to study Mars could not have picked that. Arian Foster - well, my two-year-old saw that coming.

5) Brandon Marshall: I wanted this guy so badly in all of my leagues, and I got him in 2. But even then I never imagined he'd become the foundation of a pretty decent Bears offense. It will be very difficult to draft him in more than one league next year. He's been better than every receiver other than A.J. Green and Calvin. And he's only 8 points from topping those two.

6) Reggie Wayne: Did you know that while in college Ed Reed killed Reggie Wayne's Burmese Python?

7) Michael Vick : OK, no surprise here. Everyone who drafted Vick did so knowing there was a 98% chance he would never repeat his 2010 performance. And he didn't. Only way Vick ever regains value is if he gets traded to someone with an O-line.

8) Jamaal Charles has both delighted and disappointed in very short time frames. He's had two of the biggest fantasy weeks any back has had, but the long stretches of underutilization make him a sketchy guy to rely on. This weekend he asked for Peyton Manning's autograph - I think what he was really doing was asking Manning to get the Broncos to trade for him. Pretty please?

9) Trent Richardson: So two rookie RBs defied my absolute rule on drafting rookie RBs in the first 4 rounds. I'm sticking with my rule, but I do think it's fair to recognize when I've been trumped. I'm a fair guy.

10) Randall Cobb: He's the highest scoring fantasy receiver on the Green Bay Packers. Chew on that for a minute.

There are many others worthy and deserving of mention, feel free to plug your favorites into the comments.


The Octagon said...

You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.

Anonymous said...

I'm 11 out of 14 teams with the 4th most points scored and everybody all year has had their best performances against me, thus my points against are tops in my league. I guess sometimes you're the bug and sometimes you're the windshield...

J said...

I got destroyed 202-157 this week. The things that cost me the win comprise my "Thanks for NOTHING!" awards.

I was mocked on draft day for taking Santana Moss - "Garcon is going to take away all of Moss' touches!" Well, I have never been sold on this guy; he's Pete Garson the bum as often as he is Pierre Garcon the stud. Of course this week, I didn't start Moss, and right on cue he got a TD. I ask again - how does Mike Shanahan know that J in Charlotte has Moss on his fantasy team, how does he know which weeks I start Moss, and why is he hell-bent on making sure that Moss never sees the light of day when I do and is Bob Griffin's #1 target when I don't?

On the other hand, I didn't get mocked for taking Matt Forte as my #1 RB, and I should have been. I completely missed the memo that the Bears had signed Michael Bush, ensuring Forte would never reach the end zone except on a 30-yard run. And of course, if I hadn't drafted him, he would have missed 0 games due to injuries.

I thought I had a chance at victory when Sproles got that 30-yard catch and run at the end of the game. It was false hope.

It was false hope because the official cause of death for the week was Joe Flacco, who had thrown for 160 yards and 1 TD when the 4th quarter started. So of course the Ravens tied the game and they played 13 minutes of overtime, enabling Flacco to end up with well over 300 and 2 TDs. How very Matt Stafford of you, Joe. When this guy drafted him, he announced the pick by saying, "I'm whacko for Flacco." We mocked him for 3 rounds. I was one of the loudest. Karma is a %$@&%@.....

Honorable mention for the TFN awards: Santonio Holmes, Hakeem Nicks, and Jahvid Best (who I took a late-round flyer on in case he came back and could bolster a playoff run).

Almost every year, I manage to get some guy off the waiver wire early in the year who turns out to be a major stud. No such luck this year, although getting Matt Schaub as my #2 QB in the 8th round was quite a coup. Phillip who?