|"See what I did there?"|
When your opponent just empties his barrels right in your face while you're wondering if Jacob Tamme can get a few PPRs in the garbage time it just feel inevitable, and therefore better.
The second best way to lose is to be in a tight game and you happen to glance down at your bench and see a former struggling starter go all nuclear while you've started William Powell, or some such nonsense. Sure, the whole world had written off Shonn Greene after 4 games of sub-crappy performances. And so to the bench he went - and then right before your very eyes he mounts a 161-yard, 3-TD offensive and there you are with a pile of useful points stacked weightlessly in the corner with a little shrugging look that says, "serves you right."
But that's not the worst way to lose. No, the worst way to lose is when you think that the Bears defense is playing when they are actually on a bye week. It could be any player, but for the sake of this reenactment we'll go with the Bears as our example.
You see, in many leagues, rosters lock and waivers idle once Sunday games start, and the administrative business of running a team must wait until Tuesday, or Wednesday. And in these leagues if an owner, say a guy who goes by the name of Hicks, were to keep his bye-week defense on the roster he'd be in deep trouble if he hadn't planned for a last minute substitution on his bench. Nope, a guy like that who once sat atop the league, might find that he's now lost two in a row, is sub .500 and in very, very real danger of missing the playoffs, much less make a return trip to the Super Bowl. So while we all enjoy competitive contests in which the best team wins, sometimes it's enough to see someone manage his team with all the finesse of Shakes the Clown. Keep it up Hicks, we're all pulling for you.
And this week's winners and losers brought to you by the Philly Eagles
The Eagles D Award
3rd place award: Stevan Ridley. In weeks 4 & 5 Ridley rushed for 266 yards and 3 TDs and he was the exception that proved the rule that you just can't trust Bill Belichick when it came to running backs. In week 6 he was the rule the proved the rule that you can't trust Belichick with running backs. How many poor bastards chose the exact wrong moment to hop on the Ridley Bandwagon just in time for the Bandwagon to smash into the side of a mountain?
2nd place award: Vernon Davis. I hate the Giants. I hate the Giants. I hate the Giants. I'm not sure if this qualified as an Actual Big Game, but it sure was a Theoretical Big Game and the niners just got molested by the Giants pretty much across the board. I'm not really singling VD out, Frank Gore was ho-ho-rrendous, as was Alex Smith and the Defense as a whole blew it. But VD is my own personal game changer and he almost changed my game into a losing one.
The Eagles D Winner: The Eagles D. The descent of this defensive unit's scoring this season looks like the guy who jumped out of the space balloon a few days ago, unbelievably dramatic and record-breakingly fast. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if the space jump guy had called Juan Castillo last week asking for tips on the best way to plummet to Earth. There were some bad Ds out there this week, but the only one to get their D-coordinator fired was the Eagles, so congrats.
The Michael Vick Award
3rd place award: Michael Vick. In an incredible turn of events Michael Vick is such a loser he couldn't even win his own award. Yes he scored well in many league formats, and yes he is dynamic, but the turnovers. Oh my God the turnovers.
2nd place award: Ben Roethlisberger. How did Big Ben manage to out-Vick Vick with a tremendous 363-yard performance that somehow looked like he was playing with two chimps tied to his arms? The interception, the way he was harried, the way he just looked like he was in trouble all night to the horrible Titans. For this gut wrenching performance he gets 2nd place.
The Michael Vick Award winner: Matt Stafford. And the clear winner is the guy who can, at this point, be counted on to have close to zero yards and zero fantasy points coming into the 4th quarter and then magically turn that into a 300-yard, 2-TD performance. He is exactly what makes fantasy horrible and wonderful at the same time. He pokes you with interceptions and wayward passes that even Megatron can't reach, then in 15 beautiful minutes he opens up the throttle and whammy! 30-point game.
The LeSean McCoy Award
3rd place award: Ahmad Bradshaw. Against the toughest run defense in the history of time, Bradshaw not only knocked down 116-yards on the ground but also achieved the impossible by rushing for a TD. The first time this year the Niners let one in. Did I mention that I hate the Giants?
2nd place award: A.J. Green. Sometimes you wonder whether the QB is making the receiver great or vice versa. In this case it's pretty clearly versa. Andy Dalton is becoming a must-start fantasy QB because pretty much every week you can rely on AJ to come up with 100 yards and a TD. AJ is the essence of unbenchability.
1st Place award: Aaron Rodgers. Welcome back ARod. That was a first class, grade A whupping you put on the Texans. The best part about it is that we no longer have to hear the pundits tell us the Texans are the best team in the NFL for at least a week. Rodgers went for 6 freaking TDs against a top rated D. Next week he gets the Rams and then follows that up with the Jags. I firmly believe the Packers will win every game in which Rodgers tosses 6 TD. I'll stand behind that.