Monday, August 13, 2012

Player Haters' Companion - Michael Vick; Bonus Ochocinco update.

It's August and fantasy football is upon us. Any mistakes you make in your upcoming drafts are mistakes that could haunt your season like corned beef haunts your lower GI. You've looked at the angles. You've giggled at your opponents keepers. You've fallen asleep trying to read Matthew Berry's 100 fantasy football facts - the abridged version. Everyone knows Aaron Rodgers is a winner, and no one can tell you how Ochocinco* will work out so we're making it easy by picking the players we love to hate and hate to draft.


Player You Hate: Michael Vick


And not necessarily for the same reasons PETA hates him. No need here to address his past transgressions. Vick introduced the league to more badness and ethical mayhem than 10 Michael Irvins ever did. And Irvin is known for two things: fat ties and bad behavior. We have no proof there's a correlation, but yeah, there is. Even still, we are fantasy football owners and like Jerry Jones - we're going to overlook an awful lot of horrible stuff if the guy is dropping 60 point games. As far as we're concerned Roger Goodell is the conscience of the league so we don't have to be. It's his sole reason for living. What is much, much less forgivable is a guy who puts together transcendent performance after transcendent performance, week after week, filling our fantasy heads with the sense that something magical is brewing. An unstoppable scoring force has been unleashed on the league and to own him is to laugh in the face of your opponents, dominate titles, rule the world. You  know, until you spend your entire allowance to get him and then he turns into Mary Poppins. Never overspend on a guy coming off a contract year. It's just stupid. And there you have it - Michael Vick made us feel stupid. So we hate him. Also he appears to be turning into Glass Joe, so he can't even under perform a full season worth of games.

*And now we know: Chad Johnson has been released from the Dolphins after being arrested for allegedly "head-butting" his new bride over an argument that may or may not have started over a box of condoms. Let this be a lesson to newlywed guys out there - you don't keep old love letters, pictures of the ex or a box of memory condoms. You'll end up in jail and off the team.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did you mean "It's his *sole* reason for living"?

Anonymous said...

As much as I hate Vick too, if I don't land Rodgers, Brady or Brees early, I'm taking him in the fourth or fifth round if he falls that far. His upside is just too great despite the fact the Eagles are trying to limit his scrambling. Problem there is that if you take Vick, you need the corresponding Vick-insurance of another serviceable QB (and wasted pick) to get someone like Schaub or Cutler late.

Anonymous said...

Idiot, you hate vick for what? fighting dogs when you have people like Ben Roethlisberger violating women on two separate occasions and dudes with murder charges under their belt in the nfl. gtfoh and stfu. you are a biased follower.

Anonymous said...

I agree last Anonymous..just goes to show you how in this society we place so little value on human life and decency.What Vick did was wrong and deplorable but look at the other players who have abused their wives/girlfriends, sold drugs and been directly or indirectly involved in the killing of another human being and they get a free pass, not to mention Ben R

The Owners said...

If we've shown nothing it's that we have room for all sorts of hatred for players. Just because Vick shows up first doesn't mean Big Ben won't make the list...though it's fair to note that this list is about players who are in danger of getting highly drafted and screwing up your team...Ben is on the cusp no matter how deplorable he is.

J said...

If Vick hangs around I think he makes a good #2 QB. You just know he's going to get hurt. Whoever gets him needs to make sure they start him the week the Panthers are in town. He's going to hang 70 fantasy points on our defense.

The Owners said...

J - I actually have Vick as a keeper in the 13th round, so I'm happy about that, BUT I'm having an internal struggle with my co-owner about how high we need to go to draft a backup. I think we need a super high no. 2 guy for the guaranteed weeks that Vick's out.

Anonymous said...

Vick? Once a thug, always a thug.

Johnson? A foul-mouthed loser from the start. See him on the first episode of "Hard Knocks"? Thug-brat on parade. No class at all.

Anonymous said...

Who cares what you no account saltines think? Without us there would be no NFL, NBA or any sports THAT MATTERED! Racists scumbags.

Anonymous said...

"Player You Hate" Reads a headline on Charlotteobserver.com, wow.

Anonymous said...

oh and his name isn't ochocinco anymore....zzummmmassssss

Anonymous said...

NO ACCOUNT SALTINES!! *FLATLINE*

The Owners said...

Decent chance I'm naming one of my teams "No Account Saltines"