It's August and fantasy football is upon us. Any mistakes you make in
your upcoming drafts are mistakes that could haunt your season like
corned beef haunts your lower GI. You've looked at the angles.
You've giggled at your opponents keepers. You've fallen asleep
trying to read Matthew Berry's 100 fantasy football facts - the
abridged version. Everyone knows Aaron Rodgers is a winner, and no
one can tell you how Ochocinco* will work out so we're making it easy
by picking the players we love to hate and hate to draft.
And not necessarily for the same reasons PETA hates him. No need here to address his past transgressions. Vick introduced the league to more badness and ethical mayhem than 10 Michael Irvins ever did. And Irvin is known for two things: fat ties and bad behavior. We have no proof there's a correlation, but yeah, there is. Even still, we are fantasy football owners and like Jerry Jones - we're going to overlook an awful lot of horrible stuff if the guy is dropping 60 point games. As far as we're concerned Roger Goodell is the conscience of the league so we don't have to be. It's his sole reason for living. What is much, much less forgivable is a guy who puts together transcendent performance after transcendent performance, week after week, filling our fantasy heads with the sense that something magical is brewing. An unstoppable scoring force has been unleashed on the league and to own him is to laugh in the face of your opponents, dominate titles, rule the world. You know, until you spend your entire allowance to get him and then he turns into Mary Poppins. Never overspend on a guy coming off a contract year. It's just stupid. And there you have it - Michael Vick made us feel stupid. So we hate him. Also he appears to be turning into Glass Joe, so he can't even under perform a full season worth of games.
*And now we know: Chad Johnson has been released from the Dolphins after being arrested for allegedly "head-butting" his new bride over an argument that may or may not have started over a box of condoms. Let this be a lesson to newlywed guys out there - you don't keep old love letters, pictures of the ex or a box of memory condoms. You'll end up in jail and off the team.