Monday, August 6, 2012

Player Haters' Companion - Jay Cutler

It's August and fantasy football is upon us. Any mistakes you make in your upcoming drafts are mistakes that could haunt your season like corned beef haunts your lower GI. You've looked at the angles. You've giggled at your opponents keepers. You've fallen asleep trying to read Matthew Berry's 100 fantasy football facts - the abridged version. Everyone knows Aaron Rodgers is a winner, and no one can tell you how Ochocinco will work out so we're making it easy by picking the players we love to hate and hate to draft.



Player You Hate: Jay Cutler

His numbers are good, the Bears are getting healthy, they've finally re-signed one of the league's best running backs and they've made free agent moves to acquire the services of one of football's most certifiable "crazy/good" receivers in Brandon Marshall, who B-T-W, Cutler has a connection with from his Denver days. So where's the hate? C'mon, who are you kidding? Just like you, we hate his face. He walks around with that same foul body language and expression that haunted Eli Manning until well after he won his first Super Bowl. We have now learned that after two Super Bowl wins a sour puss gets redefined as intensity. 

Short of those two rings you'd better smile a little more or people are going to think you're a jackass. And that's where we are with Cutler -- if you sulk around on the field like the anti-Romo, you are going to make people think you have a lousy attitude. When the Bears win the Super Bowl this year we're sticking to our guns and giving all the credit to Brian Urlacher (just like everyone else will). 

For the sake of my professional integrity we won't go into how this mopey lout landed Kristin Cavallari. Just know that we hate him.

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2 comments:

J said...

The issue with Culter is that he's worth 30 points one week and he's hurt the next. Guys like that I only take as my #3 QB. Of course, the week my #1 is on his bye will be the week my #2 is playing in a monsoon against the league's #1 defense and I'm forced to start Cutler and he throws 3 pick-sixes. Not that I'm jaded or anything...

Anonymous said...

I like Cutler. He can fluctuate from a fantasy points perspective, but his WRs this year will be improved over those he's had to work with the last 3 seasons. With Alshon Jeffery and Brandon Marshall he'll have two big targets with very good hands. Not great, but very good. Assuming Jeffery can get up to speed on the offense and Marshall can stay out of jail they may be able to help Cutler avoid some of those INTs.

Besides...would you rather have Vince Young or Matt Leinart? At least Cutler is still playing... And he's a diabetic. Not for nothing, but that will cause you to do some things you can't explain...like throw a dozen INTs in a game...