Friday, August 3, 2012

Player Haters' Companion - Dez Bryant

It's August and fantasy football is upon us. Any mistakes you make in your upcoming drafts are mistakes that could haunt your season like corned beef haunts your lower GI. You've looked at the angles. You've giggled at your opponents keepers. You've fallen asleep trying to read Matthew Berry's 100 fantasy football facts - the abridged version. Everyone knows Aaron Rodgers is a winner, and no one can tell you how Ochocinco will work out so we're making it easy by picking the players we love to hate and hate to draft.

Player You Hate: Dez Bryant

You've been burned by Bryant every year he's been in the league. Taken him too high and put too much faith in him as a guy who delivers more than 1 quarter of effort a game. Anyone who can go for 90 yards and a TD in the the first 15 minutes then takes the next 3 quarters off is maddening. And yet he still might have me salivating if his hobbies did not include "beating-up-his-mom." Because while I am not automatically offended by athletes who happen to run afoul  of the law, most of us can agree that mother-beating is beyond the pale. Especially when it might take an already unreliable guy off the field for at least a game or two. As hard as Roger Goodell comes down on other offenses you'd have to think assaulting your mother would warrant losing a couple of paychecks.
When Cowboys' owner/puppeteer Jerry Jones finally got around to discussing Dez's mother-beating ways with Bryant and then the media he reported that he doesn't know how the situation will play out, but that "we had a great visit." This is clearly an indication that Jones and Bryant, like fantasy owners everywhere are waiting on the commish to address this issue, and until such time as he does, Bryant is in limbo.
Frankly a two-game suspension isn't the end of the world but Dez's history suggests this isn't his last misstep. So whether Goodell pounds Bryant or takes it relatively easy on him, we can be assured that the next time Dez finds himself in a cloud of controversy he's going to get nailed. We're staying away from Bryant unless he dips below the 5th round, which we think is the Mendoza line for crazy athletes.

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Anonymous said...

Agree 110%. Last year was the first I had Dez on my team. I'd get so excited early in a game when he'd have 70 yards receiving and a TD in the first quarter, thinking that he would carry my team this week!

Little did I know that his stats would be 75 yards and a TD at the end of the game. Hell, sometimes, he'd throw in a fumble just for fun too. Maybe Laurent Robinson greased Bryant's gloves to convince Romo to toss the ball his way.

I can't say I'm going to avoid him this year because the talent's there. He just needs to deliver all four quarters and he'd be a star. I'm sure he will if I pass on him.

MikeOnasis said...

Wow! So, you have convicted him of "beating his mom"? No facts about this acutally being a true event. We don't know what acutally occurred. So to put this in your fantasy football preview is asinine! Stick to the topic of fantasy football production and report the other stuff when it has been proving he is a "Mombeater"!

The Owners said...

So mike, Do you suppose Goodell's going to wait for due process? In the fantasy world arrests = suspensions = falling draft stock = player we hate. So to address your point - off field antics very much figure into fantasy production/perception. I haven't personally inspected Manning's neck either, but I'm selling it. You want fair and balanced journalism read the local/sports/features/news pages. You want to know who not to draft too high? I'll be here all week.

J said...

Dez is single-handedly responsible for my 40% increase in alcohol consumption last year.

8:24 - it was even worse for me because my league gives points for receptions, and a bonus for 10 receptions. So when the first quarter would end and Dez had 3 catches for 75 yards, I'd start dreaming of 8 catches for 140 yards and a TD - that's 38 points in my league (8 for catches, 6 for the TD, 14 for receiving yards, and 10 for going over 100 receiving yards). But no, he'd disappear and end up with 4 catches for 78 yards, no scores and a fumble. And instead of getting 38 points, I end up with 9. And I'd lose the game by 10. AAARRGGHHH!!!

I'm not buying unless he's there in round 6. Which he won't be, and I'll get to watch someone else twist in the wind with him.

Anonymous said...

Mike - you are sooooo high and mighty! You don't believe the Mother of the beater who called 911? I think you cn fnd better people to stick up for other than Mr. mombeater

ericdedwar said...

I'm horrified that Bryant might possibly end up on one of my teams.
If he drops to the 6th he'll be almost impossible not to take. Gah! I think I'll just take Romo to cover myself.

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