Thursday, August 16, 2012

Player Haters' Companion - Felix Jones

It's August and fantasy football is upon us. Any mistakes you make in your upcoming drafts are mistakes that could haunt your season like corned beef haunts your lower GI. You've looked at the angles. You've giggled at your opponents keepers. You've fallen asleep trying to read Matthew Berry's 100 fantasy football facts - the abridged version. Everyone knows Aaron Rodgers is a winner, and Ocho Cinco is too worried about the demise of his reality show to even care that he got released by the Dolphins, so we're making it easy by picking the players we love to hate and hate to draft.

Player You Hate: Felix Jones

 Felix Jones is a man on the cusp. Well, he was a man on the cusp last year, and the year before, and the year before that. No man has spent more time as the No.1 RB  in waiting than Jones. Only when the waiting was over and his speed and agility were in full bloom Jones blew out an ankle and had to sit idly by while the world discovered the great and talented DeMarco Murray. Sure, they'll split carries - a little - but everyone watching Murray on the field could tell you that Felix's days as a top tier back - short tho they were- were over. So while the sensitive and understanding part of us knows we're hating Jones for a crime of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, no one has excelled at playing that part quite like Jones. So we're sticking with the hatred. His only hope is if Murray goes down, in which case he'll be the top dog for approximately 12 more minutes before Phillip Tanner turns into the Smash Williams that Texas has been dreaming about since season 3 of Friday Night Lights. You know the Texans like FNL more than they've liked any Cowboys team since the mid 90s. Who wouldn't?


J said...

For any league that has hopeless, delusional Cowboys fans, those fans will provide great comic relief to the other owners. You know delusional Cowboys fans - they're the ones who still think Dallas is relevant in Super Bowl conversation, even though they haven't been relevant in 15 years. They think every Cowboy is the top fantasy pick at his position. And at the end of the season, with their Cowboy-laden fantasy team out of the playoffs and the real team going 9-7 or 8-8 again, there they are, still screamimg that their team is the greatest franchise ever. Comic gold.

ericdedwar said...

In all fairness Felix is an outlier on this "list." He's getting drafted so lowly this year that hating him isn't really worth it...but he represents - for me at least - years of frustration and so has grandfathered his way out here.