Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Tuesday Hangover: Houston we have a problem

By this point you might have a good idea where you stand in the great world of fantasy football. You are either in, or out, or on the cusp. There's not much flirting left. With 3 or 4 games to go before the fantasy playoffs depending on your format, it's likely that up to 1/3 of your league has mentally checked out and has moved on to their NBA fantasy teams or is hatching an awesome scheme for next years draft, one that will probably, but should not, include 2 dozen shots of Jagermeister. If only these bums had stopped paying attention to the waiver wire long ago you would have been able to pick up and drop Ryan Torain 6 more times without having to worry about some other jerk swooping in and stealing the worthless back from under your nose.

If only.

And in a week were quarterbacks are nearing extinction it will be a nice breath of fresh air for owners of Matt Schaub to freely go out and pick up Tavaris Jackson or John Skelton without concern that they've become too hot a commodity to be available. Sure, you could rush out and pick up former poster boy Matt Leinart, but I have it from good sources that he's more upset about Schaub's injured foot than Schaub is. But not nearly as upset as Gary Kubiak and Andre Johnson, who have both been spotted on suicide watch lists by Leinart, who uses those lists to pick up girls in Houston. Don't judge.

The only fan base who has to be more upset than Houston are those Philly fans who, 3 games out of first and one re-injured Michael Vick, must travel to New York to face a very irritated Giants team, and do it with Vince Young under center. Those two names take me back to aught 5 when Leinart was a Heisman winning quarterback in Southern Cal and all Vince Young did was win games. Seems like so long ago. Today neither one of those guys is fit to back up Tim Tebow and if trends persist Tebow'll become the first quarterback in the history of the NFL to ever start and finish a winning effort while throwing zero passes.

On to the week.

-There's a guy in my auction draft league who picked up Reggie Bush two weeks ago and seems to think Bush is awesome. The real life analogy of this is when the new guy in high school picks up the hottest girl who unbeknownst to him is only single because she's the biggest tramp on campus. Only once she starts dating the new guy she totally cleans up her act and turns them both into the big winners along the way. Everyone else is left scratching their heads waiting for her to screw it up, but so far the new guy is just sitting there with a huge smile on his face, barely aware of her past. I never should have dropped Reggie Bush.

-Speaking of Reggie Bush and people with trampy pasts, reports have surfaced that the weekend before Kim Kardashian dropped her husband she "met" with Reggie in New York when he was in town to play the Giants. That Sunday Reggie took the field and statistically hasn't looked back since. Whatever happened between Kardashian and Bush, about a million fantasy owners need to buy her new perfume as a way of saying thank you. Also for the videos, thank her for those too.

-Rodgers, Rodgers, Rodgers. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king. And the Packers and Rodgers are quire clearly the one-eyed team in this season's barrel of the blind. So with no offensive powerhouse left to cheer for ESPN has informed its pundits (Trent Dilfer) that Rodgers is the second coming of Christ and not only that but the greatest QB of all time. Well I can't speak to his being the son of God (though I doubt Jesus would do car insurance ads) but he's definitely not the best QB ever. He's awesome and he's taking full advantage of the new world the NFL lives in - but last night Stuart Scott posed the question to Dilfer and Steve Young: Is Aaron Rodgers the best ever? After Dilfer slobbered all over Rodgers for what seemed like a lifetime, Young, who you may recall played with Joe Montana, delicately chose to answer a different question rather than tell the truth: Rodgers is probably not even as good as Brady in his prime, much less Montana. And I'd like to add to that...

-The Packers aren't really all that unbeatable themselves. There. I said it. They will not win the Superbowl this year because their defense is just not all that great. Allow me to demonstrate: Their biggest win came in the first game of the season against the Saints (who, by the way, posted 34 on them in Green Bay). They eeked by Carolina. Beat the Bears before they remembered that Matt Forte was on the roster. They beat Denver but got 23 points hung on them (none of which could be attributed to Tebow, somehow). Probably their next best win is going to Atlanta and beating a very pedestrian Falcons team by 11. Then the McNabb Vikings. Followed by the Chargers who are currently horrible. And then the rookie Ponder Vikings. People want to talk about undefeated season? From here on out the Packers will get the Lions home and away, the Giants on the road, Oakland, and the Bears once again featuring Matt Forte. I see two losses in there easy. Maybe 3. Possibly 4. Look, the Packers are awesome, maybe the best team, and I get media hyperbole, but let's settle down, the Giants and the Steelers are both probably better because they both can play defense.

-Did Marshawn "Beast Mode" Lynch just go for almost 170 combined yards and a TD in the Seahawks win over Baltimore? Yes. Yes he did. You still probably shouldn't start him. Better to let him perform on your bench then to let him fool you into thinking he's actually good.

-Larry Fitzgerald on the other hand? I think we've found him a starting quarterback. See you later Kevin Kolb. Is it possible that the Eagles knew how bad Kolb was (knowing he was still way better than McNabb) - pumped up the expectations for a great Kolb era in Philly while bringing Vick in the back door as a "project"? Then after Kolb does little in the first few games last year they pull an injury stunt, swear the Eagles are still his team, give the team to Vick, wait a year then trade the promise of Kolb? I think that for a team full of geniuses the Eagles sure can't figure out how to win a freaking game. I'd hate to be an Eagles fan.

-You know what I love being? A 49ers fan. My team is 8-1 yet up until this week all people could talk about was how the Cowboys came back on them, or how the Eagles blew it, or how Harbaugh is a jerk who shakes hands too hard. Instead they should have been focusing on the body parts that Patrick Willis is ripping off of people left and right. And the OLine that is keeping Alex Smith relevant for the first time in his 7 year career and at the same time is letting Frank Gore run wild (you know, until this week when it let Kendall Hunter run not-quite-wild). I know, the 49ers are a long shot to win the Superbowl, or probably even the NFC, but it won't take much more than a little luck for them to get home field advantage throughout, and when you get a little luck, who knows. There, now that I've openly said that, the Niners are going to drop 4 in a row to the Cardinals, the Ravens, the Rams and the Cardinals again. It was fun while it lasted.

-I'm taking Chris Johnson with the first pick next year. Just you watch.

-Michael Bush just showed us what kind of line the Raiders have. Anyone the Raiders start is worth starting.

-Know what the only good bet in the NFL is this year? That the Colts will win no more than one game. And that one win will only happen if all the other Luck-focused teams have two wins. No one wants to go 0-16, 1-a5 is much better if you can do that and still get your boy.

-I am currently in 1 playoffs, out of 1 playoffs, looking really good in another and pretty bad in the 4th. I just hope I can remember which teams I have to pay attention to.


J said...

I have both a blessing and a curse on my hands. The blessing? Once I heard Kolb was out this week, I dropped him and picked up Alex Smith (the best QB left on our wire), so as not to run the risk of having Kolb come up inactive next week while Schaub is on bye. I guess that was a preminition on what would happen to Schaub. Now he's gone, and probably my playoff hopes with him, unless Smith turns into Aaron Rodgers (Dilfer slobbering notwithstanding). But of course, what will happen is that now that he's my starter, he's going to get ripped into 7 pieces by that vaunted Cards defense. I hate this game.

The Colts will not go winless. When do they win? When the Panthers show up. Mark it down, put it on the board, whatever cliche you want to use. The Panthers are the cure for whatever ails every team in the league except Jacksonville and Washington. Colts over Panthers. Book it.

I think the Packers will go undefeated. I think they can beat the Bears, even though they have remembered Forte is on their roster. They aren't going to have home field clinched early, as Frisco continues to rack up wins on the soft part of their schedule.

The Crooked Commish said...

Moved on to their NBA fantasy teams??? Ok...