Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Tuesday Hangover: The day LeGarrette Blount saved the Colts

What last night's MNF production lacked in Hank Williams Jr. It more than made up for in the unintentional comedy of Jon Gruden's insistence that the Indianapolis Colts wanted to leave Tampa with a win under their belt.
Since he was always off screen when he said this I can't tell whether or not he was able to keep a straight face. I bet he wasn't. But if the Bucs v Colts demonstrated anything besides what happens when you compare a sitting president to Hitler, it showed us that the Colts will have to be creative if they want to win the Andrew Luck lottery.
Sure, the road seemed wide open after Kansas City (against all reason) stepped up and beat the Vikings...but just because many thought the Chiefs were in the Cat Bird seat for getting the ballyhooed Stanford QB, many (including myself) were overlooking another very obvious candidate: The Minnesota Vikings. Who needs a QB worse than Minnesota? No one. A fact that the Colts temp pool QB and Goo Goo Dolls lead singer lookalike Curtis Painter tried to drive home by turning Pierre Garcon into a professional athlete for one night only.

One can only imagine the uncomfortable writhings, pained expressions and cold sweats experienced by Colts' owner Jim Irsay as he watched from his box, powerless to stop his players from scoring. If he can fine Garcon and Painter for their performance, you'd better believe he'll find a way. But when a team is as set upon losing as Indy even playing against field goal misser extraordinaire Conner Barth can't force them into victory. All it really took was Jim Caldwell opening up one enormous hole in his defensive line to allow the otherwise unimpressive LeGarrette Blount to rumble his way for a game sealing score in the 4th.

And after 4 weeks the top candidates in the Andrew Luck bowl are these:

1) Indy - It'll be hard to stop an owner who has essentially told his fan base he's tanking, the only way he can lose is if he wins.

2)Minnesota - the Vikings fooled us by jumping out to huge 1st half leads in their first 3 games of the season. But you can't fool people forever, not when you are paying Donovan McNabb to lead the charge. If only the Vikings could play the Colts this year.

3) St. Louis - the Rams are bad. But they already have a QB who is actually good, so they'll need some more help from Steven Jackson's hammy if they want a shot at trading away the rights to Luck.

4) Kansas City - Matt Cassel would like to keep his job so he'll play hard. But the schedule is not getting any easier, I still say they have a solid chance at Luck.

5) Miami - They hung right in there with the Pats, and darn near beat the Browns. Don't get me wrong, they're bad. but not bad enough.

6) Denver - We already know that Fox was willing to tank 2010 for Luck, who's to say he's above tanking 2011? It'd certainly put an end to his pathetic QB controversy.

And on to the notes

>>You know who was not awesome last year? Darren McFadden. Beanie Wells. Ray Rice. Maurice Jones Drew. Matt Forte. Ryan Mathews. The list goes on and on. You know has been awesome this year? Those guys. Beanie and Forte dominated the weekend, completely redeeming earlier lackluster rushing performances. You think you know someone and then when you aren't looking they rush for 200 yards on you.

>>How obvious is it that Aaron Rodgers was an only child? You know he never once shared his Optimus Prime action figure. I can tell because he refused to share his touchdowns with Jermichael Finley and a bunch of other receivers and running backs. My 3-year-old knows how to share, why doesn't he?

>>Good thing I didn't bench Michael Vick. First smart move I've made all year. Unfortunately I had the bad fortune to face off against Cam, Forte, Fred Jackson, Calvin Johnson and the Saints D. I owe a guy a bottle of Jaegermeister now. Thanks a lot Forte. But seriously I almost started Jay Cutler against the Panthers. How happy would I have been with Vick's massive output on my bench and Cutler's 2 points on my roster? Almost as happy as every person who started Mark Sanchez this weekend. Zero points. Zero fantasy points. Sanchez played a full game and scored 0 fantasy points. Even Eli can't pull that off.

>>So I guess Arian Foster's hammy feels better now. If you didn't know that be watching the game you knew that when Yahoo! kindly told you that 20,000 teams dropped Ben Tate like he had syphilis. Syphilis makes you crazy. Personally though I'm not sold. I'd be willing to bet anything that Foster calls in sick at least two more times this year. It's just the kind of guy he is.

>>What happened to Ryan Torain? For 3 weeks Zip. Not a carry. Not a whisper. Nothing. The week I drop him to make room for Torry Smith he goes bananas. At least all the Hightower owners are left feeling like Hightower owners are meant to feel - bitter and enraged.

>>Every league where I own Wes Welker is a league where I'm in 1st place. Just saying.


growlprowl said...

What would the Colts do if they ended up with the first pick overall having just signed Manning to his new contract? Would they go take Luck with Manning's long term future possibly being in doubt?

Anonymous said...

Ditto on that Vick/Cutler comment! I've got them both and actually moved Cutler into the starters role following the latest Vick injury. I swapped them at 11 and was exceedingly happy with that by 2:30.

A Foster will miss at least one more game - or pull a Sanchez if he's active and end up with 3 carries for 8 yds and no points.

Welker has helped me get to second. That roster is crippled by TE performances that haven't coincided with their expectations - every time I swith between V Davis and B Pettigrew the other has a great game. Stupid.

Anonymous said...

Minn is in the same boat as StL, they won't draft Luck because they just grabbed Ponder in the top 10.

J said...

Dude, that paragraph reminds me of the skull session in "Major League" between the owner who wants to lose and move to Miami and the GM who wants to win, discussing ways to make the team worse. GM said, "How about a series of fines for good play? Maybe a $30,000 bonus for the guy voted least valuable player?"

Oh, and you have Welker? I hate every owner in every league who has Welker. Why? Because I don't have him. I have WRs that get 100 yards a game and never score (Bowe, R. White) or only score when they're allegedly hurt and allegedly aren't going to play (Dez Bryant). I am consumed with Welker Envy. A curse be on all Welker owners!!!!!!!!

Anon 1:51 - I'm with you. I have Pettigrew, and he only has a good game when I start Kellen Winslow. I hate this game.

But then again, I have Darren Sproles, MRD and Ryan Matthews. I love this game.

The Owners said...

Unfortunatly I only have Welker in 1 league and it wasn't b/c I was going after him. Which is weird b/c I have had a long standing love affair with Welker. For some reason he never lept out at me as a must have guy this season. Serves me right.
-I am ashamed to say that in my keeper league Sproles is my most consistent performer. Not because he's so gret, but because the rest of my team is so godawful. I dohave Vick and two killer tight ends, but it's never enough when my opponent's RB finds a way to crack 200 yards practically every week.
- After losing a game 2 weeks ago b/c I kept Dez on the bench due to the chorus of experts yapping nonstop about his injury - I decided that until he's dead I'm starting him.
-It's exactly like Major League, only the head coach is in on the deal.
-Colts want Luck in the worst way, best case scenerio for manning is two more good years, during which luck sits behind one of the games true masters ala Steve Young / Joe Montana.
If any one with a QB they like wins the lottery they can still totally cash in with extra draft picks or players

Stephen said...

What the hell are you talking about Connor? He has missed one field goal all year!

Andy said...

People laughed at me when I drafted Welker in the 5th round when he was still available. (his neck was hurt then)

Anonymous said...

Andrew Luck will be an average NFL QB. In the SEC conference he would be above average.

Anonymous said...

Luck is overrated. Watch the season unfold he will be exposed. I saw him play against Duke not as athletic as folks think. He is a creation of the hype machine remember David Carr........