Wednesday, September 7, 2011

HammyGate Part Whatever: Arian Foster hates fantasy owners

There are things we know about Arian Foster and there are things we don't know about Arian Foster. For instance, we don't know if his hamstring is injured, if it's healthy, if he'll play on Sunday or if he'll sit in a huge jacuzzi pounding herbal tea and pondering the meaning of life while every fantasy owner who drafted him, and the 6 known Texans fans curse his name. What we do know is that Arian Foster HATES. Capital H-A-T-E-S fantasy football.

He hates me. He hates you. He hates you extra if you drafted him. And here we see the problem when a guy with a philosophy major becomes a starting running back. When Foster has some time on his hands he isn't just sitting around counting his jing, he's thinking about the state of the world and wondering deep thoughts like: "Do fans really care about ME? Or am I just a workhorse they can ride to a championship?" And of course these are wonderful questions that would never bother the minds of DeSean Jackson and Chris Johnson, but Foster does yoga and writes poetry and I'm sure engages in a variety of fancy activities that don't include drafting a fantasy football team.

Not only does he not feel your pain, apparently he relishes it. And as a potential number one overall pick he wields the kind of power over fantasy football leagues that Ben Bernanke does over the economy. One wrong, misplaced or offhanded remark and Chris Johnson is the number one guy. In my last draft on Sunday Foster fell to like the 7th spot - and I was the 6th spot. I was on the clock looking at Arian Foster and Andre Johnson and I couldn't in good conscience say that Foster was going to be healthy and on the field to start the season (also I believe Andre is one of the baddest men on the planet Earth and I think he's going to kill it this year).

After the reports today that Foster isn't practicing and doesn't know for sure if he'll suit up against the Colts I'm feeling pretty good about my choice. But at the same time I would not be a bit surprised if he came out and rushed for 250 yards and in the post gamer confessed to making the whole thing up and that it wasn't even a picture of his hamstring that he tweeted but satellite photo the Galapagos Islands that he keeps in his study.


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