Thursday, September 29, 2011

Coach to English dictionary: Your guide to cutting through the bull

The old saying goes that you can tell a lawyer is lying when his lips are moving. I think that's outdated. These days the guy charged with spewing the most BS (after a Goldman Sachs exec) is head football coach. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether they are lying to me, lying to their players or just plain lying to themselves, but one thing is clear - they have very little motivation to tell the truth so they fabricate.

Among the most glaring instances of this is Mike Martz's refusal to run the ball - as any Matt Forte owner knows all too well. After week one the bears Offensive Coordinator said he was going to do a better job finding balance between the passing game and the running game. Anyone who knows Martz knows that under the best circumstances that's about 65/35. But last week his offense put the ball on the ground just 11 times vs. 52 passing plays. He has turned Forte from an above average running back into an average receiver. Forte posted just 2 rushing yards against the Packers. Two.
After this ridiculously imbalanced gameplan Martz once again took the podium and declared before God and a million fantasy owners that he would find more balanced attack. What's a fantasy owner to do?
VERDICT: Martz hates to run the ball. Obviously he's lying.

Martz isn't the only coach out there saying one thing and doing another. Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano has made it a weekly practice to come out after his loss on Sunday to tell fans, owners and more than a few Kardashians that Reggie Bush will get more carries. To date Bush has just 69 yards on 27 carries. 11 carries the first game, 6 the next and 10 last week. So he's doing a little better in the rush department than Forte, but if Sparano thinks this counts as getting the ball into Reggie's hands more often he's deluded. After this week's pronouncement that Bush will be more of a factor what are fantasy owners to think?
VERDICT: Despite all of our greatest wishes that Miami would turn Bush into a star, he still stinks. You can't start him, so I don't blame Sparano for going with Daniel Thomas, but he's still lying.

Of course there's always Belichick who may or may not be lying when he talks because he never really talks. And if he did you'd never believe a word he'd sasy anyway so who cares. Unfortunately not everyone is that transparent. Sean Payton for example. While he has built a highly efficient passing offense he still pays lip service to wanting to improve his run game with Mark Ingram. The highly drafted rookie has struggled so far with only 36 carries for 130 yards on the season. Recently Payton said: “He’s going to be a guy we hand the ball to. We’re going to use him on first and second down, on third down." So who do you believe?
VERDICT: Something tells me the Saints coach wants to have a running game and he wants Ingram to be the guy, so it's kind of up to Ingram. He did improve last week, I say start him. Truth.


J said...

None of these guys can hold a candle to John Fox when it comes to lying. One of his guys rips his ACL to shreds and he says in the presser, "he's got a knee." Really? I thought he had two of them.

I was a Raider fan my whole life until '95 when the Panthers were born. Although I'm completely dedicated to the Panthers now, I still have a little "Denver is the Antichrist" in my blood. It brings me great pleasure that Bronco fans are now having to deal with Fox's crap.