Hi! I'm Mike.
You might know me from such hits as "The Hokie Wonder," "6 Seasons in the ATL," "Dog Day Afternoon" and "The Eagle Has Landed"
If you haven't already drafted me, you are probably wondering if you should. So let's sit for a quick minute and chat about my pros and cons and cons.
Pro: Nobody in the league can do what I do on the field.
Con: Nobody in the league has done what I did off the field.
Con: But I believe that only the media cares about that issue which is obviously in my rear view mirror and can someone please get me a dog!
Pro: I just got signed to a 6-year deal. So somebody up there in Philly thinks I'm worth it.
Con: Lots of guys get big contracts then immediately turn into unmotivated piles of stool. See Eli Manning.
Con: The whole team just got paid a bunch of money so multiply that problem times a whole lot.
Pro: This contract is negotiable in 3 years and that will probably be my last chance for a HUGE paycheck, so let's get some rings, Baby! Plus, every dime I make on this contract goes to get me out of the red.
Con: Defenses seemed to figure me out at the end of last year
Con: Desean Jackson only works 8 weeks out of the year
Pro: Jeremy Maclin probably doesn't have cancer.
Con: We're not exactly sure what his problem is if it isn't cancer. Whatever it is he can't sleep, or eat and he's lost a bunch of weight. Might be an issue on the field.
Pro: Shady McCoy and Ronnie Brown can take a ton of pressure off me.
Con: My O-Line can't.
Con: What's a "Wildcat?"
Pro: 49 point fantasy game last year. Any game I start is a game you are never out of. I practically run for 100 yards a game on my own so you are guaranteed at least that. Bonus, in my last 9 games of the regular season last year my lowest fantasy total (depending on league settings) was 23.
Con: Margin of victory isn't worth kibble.
Con: I'm bound to get injured this season
Pro: You are going to kick yourself when you miss out on the most obvious draft pick of all time. I'm going to be the season high scorer by like 100 fantasy points and I will single-handedly keep you in every game.
Con: Or I won't
Con: Or I'll violate my parole and finish up the season in Leavenworth. No Biggie.